Alive
by roxyxkarkat
Summary: From the very first moment you realized you were alive you were prepared to die. When you realized that each breath you took was in fact your own and that your heart was yours to guard, you were prepared to die. Life was not something you were ever meant to have, so you were prepared to throw yours away.


From the very first moment you realized you were alive you were prepared to die. When you realized that each breath you took was in fact your own and that your heart was yours to guard, you were prepared to die. Life was not something you were ever meant to have, so you were prepared to throw yours away.

You were meant to be nothing more than a mask to hide behind and a guide to aid the hero, so that is all you would be, even though it was hard.

It was hard because until you came to know the hero you never knew you were alive, a mask and a guide defined you. You told yourself the feelings you felt when you first saw the hero came from the princess you really were…but you weren't, and those feelings were your own to feel.

It wasn't until the hero first said your name, "Sheik," as if you interested him, as if you were _real_ , and when he asked you to stay, as if it were the most important thing in the world to him, you felt completely and truly _alive._ So you ran.

You were not meant to be real, you were not meant to be alive. You were not meant to feel your own feelings and guard your heart as your own and when you realized you could do these things the sheer beauty of it terrified you so you ran from the hero, and from the feelings he made you feel.

When you saw the hero again, you could tell that your departure had hurt him, and it made your vulnerable, fearful, and exhilarated heart break. But you couldn't tell him, and you couldn't let her know of this. You couldn't let her know that in the act of creating a mask she had given life, she couldn't know that her return would mean his death. Because he knew without a doubt that their memories would be shared, so he stored away the ones he couldn't let her see, hid them where she couldn't find them.

When the hero asked you to stay again you found yourself complying. You listened to him talk about the friends he missed and the things he had wanted to do before he was the Hero of Time. And he talked about Zelda. When you heard the way he said her name your heart ached and your stomach twisted itself into knots while angry fire burned in you, and you knew you would have to hide this memory.

You left after the hero had fallen asleep, even though you didn't want to. But after that you couldn't refuse him whenever he asked you to stay. The way his eyes would gaze at you pleadingly would break your heart, and you'd find yourself sitting next to him by the fire. And you would hide every single one of these memories, because you wanted them to belong to you and the hero alone, you didn't want her to have them.

You faked your loyalty to Ganondorf well, so he never suspected why you stayed so close to the hero. The fact that you would have to fool the hero with this ruse hurt you. He would believe you were a traitor. Even if it was only for a while, the thought of it hurt you.

When he was nearly buried in a sandstorm yesterday you rushed to save him, and the look on his face when he saw you made your heart both melt and break, because soon you would have to betray him.

That night, as you both sat around the campfire he talked about his fears. How he feared Zelda would have changed too much over the years, how he feared he might not be cut out for being the Hero of Time, and it made your heart break. You wanted to hold him close and protect him from the evil he had to vanquish. You wished you could take him away from everything and let someone else take on the heavy burden he had to carry. But all you could do was say "It's hard to be a hero," to show you understood.

He smiled when you said that, the relief that you understood evident on his face. After that he was happier, and he told you stories of when he was young and growing up with the Kokiris and knew nothing of the outside world and the destiny that was to be thrust upon him. You found yourself laughing along with him, and it felt as if the rest of the world no longer existed, because the hero you loved—yes, you admitted with all your heart that you loved him—was speaking to you and only you. And you knew that you would selfishly lock this memory away where Zelda could never reach it, but you felt not an ounce of guilt, only joy.

As you stared into the orange glow of the fire you suddenly felt the hero's fingers brush against your cheek as he tried to pull your cowl down from your face. Without thinking you smacked his hand away, harder than you had meant to. His expression quickly changed from surprised to hurt.

"Sorry," he whispered. You turned away, not trusting yourself to speak, because your heart was racing and your face was hot and you knew if you opened your mouth you would tell him the things you could never utter aloud. That you wanted him to hold you and keep you for himself, and to kiss you more fiercely than anyone else could. You could not tell him these things because you were fated to die from the moment you first drew breath.

The hero sat on the other side of the fire and did not approach you for the rest of the evening, and you were grateful for that. You knew that if he touched you again you would surrender to him completely, and all the feelings that are yours to feel would come rushing out of where you have kept them hidden so that no one may ever find them.

You were woken in the night by the hero shouting. At first you thought you were being attacked, but it quickly became obvious that the illusions of the desert were what was hurting the hero. As a sheikah you can see through any and all illusions, so the desert was just a desert to you, but you wished with all of your heart that it was the hero who was immune instead of you. Your heart broke when he cried and you wanted to hold him and tell him you would keep him safe because you love him, but all you could do was watch and pray morning came soon.

Today you awake and know what is about to happen, the Gerudo attack this morning, and your heart breaks when you strike the hero you never wished any harm upon. There is pain in his eyes, so much hurt it makes you want to cry, and then he loses consciousness. But the image of his pain-filled eyes won't leave you, and your heart hurts so badly you wish you could just die.

You watch over him in his cell, hidden so that no one can see you. When he manages to defeat Nabooru you slipped his hookshot into the cell and leave to find his weapons.

The Twinrova clearly hadn't done any research on the Sheikah if they thought you couldn't see them behind their invisibility spell, so when the hero looks at you with his pain-filled eyes and readies his sword to fight you, you slash the nearest of the witches across the arm, cutting to the bone.

"I knew you were a traitor!" the other one screams at you, as her sister wails in pain.

"A traitor? I was never one of you!" you reply and you hear the hero laugh with relief, and it's the most beautiful sound you have ever heard. And then you're fighting alongside each other and you can tell he is happy because he knows you are with him. "Sorry for hitting you earlier," you tell him as you fight your way through the Gerudo.

"You hurt my feelings more than my body!" he replies and it makes your heart melt.

Suddenly pain flares all over your body and you realize at the back of your mind that you're burning and you can hear the Twinrova laughing, and the hero is calling your name and begging you to stay with him, and you realize you are going to die soon. Even though the hero is telling you it will be fine as he carries you on his horse out of the Gerudo camp you know you are going to die, and even though you have been prepared for this ever since you first drew breath you find yourself crying.

"I'm going to die," you say as the hero carries you inside the spirit temple.

"No you're not!" he shouts. He sounds so desperate and worried and _scared_ that tears that you have been holding back begin to stream down your face. "You're not going to die okay?! I'm not losing anyone else!" He is crying like you are and it breaks your heart. You reach over and grab the back of his head as you pull your cowl down from your face. Using what little strength you have left you pull your face up to his and press your mouth to his. You cannot kiss him nearly as fiercely as you would like, but none of that matters when he returns the kiss. This is a memory that shall only ever belong to the two of you; you hide it deeper than all the others, at the very center of your being.

As your lips part a small laugh escapes you. "How selfish of me," you whisper, "wanting to live." You gaze into his eyes and dry the tears on his cheeks. "You're the only one who could have ever made me want to live, Link," you say as your consciousness begins to slip. You can hear Link calling your name as everything goes black, and you know in a few minutes you will be gone, and Zelda will remain in your place. Perhaps Link will even believe that you were her all along, though you doubt it. You know Link is crying for you and you should be sad, but instead you're happy. Happy to have been loved by him, and happy to be able to die in the arms of the one who made you feel _alive,_ and made you want to live.


End file.
